With a rabid wolverine in my underwear  
 When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat  
 Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes  
 I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?  
 Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?  
 Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"  
 I probably would have kept on guessing  
 But about that time we crashed into the truck  
 And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt  
 Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer  
 Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me  
 Everything you know is wrong  
 Black is white, up is down and short is long  
 And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter  
 Everything you know is wrong  
 Just forget the words and sing along  
 All you need to understand is  
 Everything you know is wrong  
  
 I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams  
 When I accidentally stepped into a alternate dimension  
 And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space  
 Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr  
 They sucked out my internal organs  
 And they took some polaroids and said I was a darn good sport  
 And as a way of saying thank you  
 They offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go  
 And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night  
 So I could pay my phone bill on time  
 Just then the disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling  
  
 Everything you know is wrong  
 Black is white, up is down and short is long  
 And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter  
 Everything you know is wrong  
 Just forget the words and sing along  
 All you need to understand is  
 Everything you know is wrong  
  
 I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin  
 When I got a nasty paper cut  
 And, well, to make a long story short  
 It got infected and I died  
 So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates  
 And it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing  
 He tells me that they've got a dress code  
 Well, he lets me into heaven anyway  
 But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity  
 And every day he runs by screaming  
  
 Everything you know is wrong  
 Black is white, up is down and short is long  
 And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter  
 Everything you know is wrong  
 Just forget the words and sing along  
 All you need to understand is  
 Everything you know is wrong