I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain  
 But that's just perfect for an Amish like me  
 You know I shun fancy things like electricity  
 At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows  
 Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool  
 And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that  
 Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone  
 I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline  
 Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin  
 But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine  
 Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699  
 We been spending most our lives  
 Living in an Amish paradise  
 I've churned butter once or twice  
 Living in an Amish paradise  
 It's hard work and sacrifice  
 Living in an Amish paradise  
 We sell quilts at a discount price  
 Living in an Amish paradise  
  
 A local boy kicked me in the butt last week  
 I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek  
 I really don't care, in fact I wish him well  
 'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in Hell  
 But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it  
 An Amish with a 'tude?  
 You know that's unheard of  
 I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat  
 And my homies agree  
 I really look good in black... fool  
 If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears  
 We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years  
 But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare  
 We're just technologically impaired  
  
 There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar  
 Not a single luxury  
 Like Robinson Caruso  
 It's as primitive as can be  
  
 We been spending most our lives  
 Living in an Amish Paradise  
 We're just plain and simple guys  
 Living in an Amish Paradise  
 There's no time for sin and vice  
 Living in an Amish Paradise  
 We don't fight, we all play nice  
 Living in an Amish Paradise  
  
 Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter  
 Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anutter  
 Think you're really righteous?  
 Think you're pure in heart?  
 Well, I know I'm a million time as humble as thou art  
 I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like  
 On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife  
 So don't be vain and don't be whiny  
 Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie  
  
 We been spending most our lives  
 Living in an Amish Paradise  
 We're all crazy Mennonites  
 Living in an Amish Paradise  
 There's no cops or traffic lights  
 Living in an Amish Paradise  
 But you'd probably think it bites  
 Living in an Amish Paradise  
  
 Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh  
 ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-yecch